Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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