the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
