Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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