I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
