hotel room ftw
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I could have mohawked her pubes.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
