"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I will pee on everything he values.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
