just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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