this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
