It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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