Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
