I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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