Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
