that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
