Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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