nut hugger
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
