Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I want her autograph on my taint
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
