So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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