you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There's always time for handjobs
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
