its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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