Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
