thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize