he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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