i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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