I am full of burrito and curiosity
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
