Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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