I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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