She is in my trunk
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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