What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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