Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
