Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize