Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
