Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Ladies don't puke and tell
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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