ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
