dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
