I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
