sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dick very happy bro
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