another moral hangover. fuck.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
