Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
