she was so not down for the gang bang
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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