eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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