My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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