Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
