Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
