Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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