Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He kissed a someone with a penis
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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