just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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