I heard we made out
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize