I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
