just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
