So drunk its hurt
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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