You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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