bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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