come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
