You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We're too hungover to prance.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
