How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
