my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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