a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the condom got lost in my hair
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
