Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
