He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We named our party play list daddy issues
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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