so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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