i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
