True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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