she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
