We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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