dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
