Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
