all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
