dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
