Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
