My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
