my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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