Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize