SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
