they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
How's work?
Spinning.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
