when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Randomize
